Friend Zone Level: Master

"Soloburrito" (Soloburrito) 05/15/2014 at 22:25 • Filed to: None

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Any Opponauts stuck in the friend zone? Pour your heart out here.

signintoburnerlol > Soloburrito 05/15/2014 at 22:26

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Nah, i just pull out and run.

No Prius Needed > Soloburrito 05/15/2014 at 22:27

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The only thing worse than hot wheels posts... where is louros and his chart? We need to replace hotwheels posts with friendzone posts.

Vince-The Roadside Mechanic > Soloburrito 05/15/2014 at 22:27

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I wish I was in the friendzone.

Nighthawkwill7, Hoon Depot Manager > Soloburrito 05/15/2014 at 22:27

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I've always been in the no-fly zone myself.

Soloburrito > Soloburrito 05/15/2014 at 22:33

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Ok I'll start.

Are you in the friend zone if your only objective is to get laid or does it only apply if you want a relationship?

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > Soloburrito 05/15/2014 at 22:38

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Welcome buddy! I'm trapped too in a really bad way!

I have easily a dozen posts regarding her, but ill give the condensed version here!

There is a girl I really like who i met this year. We talked and flirted a lot at the start. As I was about to ask her out, someone beat me and she dated him. We still talked a lot, but that chance was over. They broke up. We get really close. I learn a lot about her and we both are liking it. She asks, "Can I tell you something?" I was excited and didn't know where it was going...

She asked me about another guy. She wanted to know about dating one of my friends who she barely knew. I was pretty hurt there...

Time passed and I never talked much to her anymore, she got a new BF....

Then one night I had this vivid dream about me being with her, and it started my passion up again.

We began talking again and getting close. She said her and the guy broke up, I asked if we ever had a chance... she said "Anything is possible ;) " so I was thrilled... then she told me she done with guys for a while... but I keep talking... then she lets me know right before I ask her out for real, that her and the boy got back together... so again I was really hurt. She then asked me for relationship advice....

So im just there to help her basically and make her laugh... guess im just not good enough

Sorry, that is a really long condensed version

Manuél Ferrari > Soloburrito 05/15/2014 at 22:38

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jariten1781 > Soloburrito 05/15/2014 at 22:40

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You know why chicks date assholes? Because chicks want to date someone and assholes give no shits and just ask them out.

It's not the 'friend zone'...it's the 'timid zone'.

samssun > Soloburrito 05/15/2014 at 22:40

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Both. Stop putting them on a pedestal, it'll only make them despise you.

Manuél Ferrari > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! 05/15/2014 at 22:42

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Soloburrito > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! 05/15/2014 at 22:42

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brutal. I suggest dating one of her friends (if you like any of them that is, don't use them)! Turn the tables on her!

Manuél Ferrari > samssun 05/15/2014 at 22:43

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JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > Vince-The Roadside Mechanic 05/15/2014 at 22:43

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No! No you dont!

Manuél Ferrari > Soloburrito 05/15/2014 at 22:43

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Bad Idea Hat > Soloburrito 05/15/2014 at 22:46

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All the girls I saw friend zone guys in high school are still single, and complain about it on facebook constantly.

All the guys they friend zoned are married with kids and good jobs.

See where this is heading?

Soloburrito > Soloburrito 05/15/2014 at 22:47

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I'm doing it wrong!

Frank Grimes > Soloburrito 05/15/2014 at 22:48

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read this

http://www.artofmanliness.com/2008/09/28/nic…

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > Soloburrito 05/15/2014 at 22:49

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Ive thought about it before but her and the friends are so close, the friend would pick up so quickly on what I was trying to do.... (maybe I did try once before....)

Soloburrito > Bad Idea Hat 05/15/2014 at 22:50

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The married guys are miserable and settled for the first woman that requited their love while the single girls are dating and having the time of their lives?!

Diesel > Soloburrito 05/15/2014 at 22:57

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http://jezebel.com/dudes-stop-put…

Racescort666 > Soloburrito 05/15/2014 at 22:58

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Well, there are people who read this blog that know me but fuck it.

A girl I know, kinda cute, wants to go on vacation but no one wants to go with her. We talk about it, I hadn't been anywhere in a while so between the 2 of us, we settle on a location on the west coast. She said she'd take care of the hotel room so I start booking my flight and trying to figure out a rental car.

No sooner had I booked the flight when she calls me, "hey, I can't get flight I can afford." That's fine, what's the plan? Rather than the 2 of us go someplace, why not visit the Racescort because flying someplace will apparently be too much hassle? Also, she said that she'd buy me dinner to make up for the flight debacle. Flight cancelled without a fee, no problem.

She comes out to my place for the weekend (we live in different cities about 4 hrs apart). We go to my buddy's place for some BBQ, she's not "all over me" but pretty much in physical contact the entire time (holding hands, playing with hair, etc.) We go back to my place and cuddle up on the couch to watch a movie.

When I go to kiss her, she stops me and says, "I don't really like you that way."

TL;DR: girl invites herself to stay with me, does everything that would indicate she's attracted to me, puts on the brakes as soon as I reciprocate. If those mixed signals could never be repeated by any woman I meet again, I will be that much happier.

Addendum: this isn't the first time this general story has happened to me. However, the first time, it was a little more obvious that I was being mislead.

promoted by the color red > Soloburrito 05/15/2014 at 22:58

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Friend Zone? Is that the one where I'm limited to 90 minutes free parking or is that the one that's commercial vehicles only?

I'm so glad the engineering department basically cut me off from women.

Diesel > Nighthawkwill7, Hoon Depot Manager 05/15/2014 at 23:05

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You just need to bust out some stealth.

Diesel > signintoburnerlol 05/15/2014 at 23:05

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That comes later.

RotaryLover > Soloburrito 05/15/2014 at 23:08

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I was trapped a couple of times. Until I decided that I had enough. As soon as I felt that I was being friendzoned, I just cut contact and get another girl. Oddly, the girls that friendzoned me tried to get a hold of me. Theres this girl that I've been going out with for 3 weeks now. We had loads of fun and I got into this bar where I had the other girls friendzoning me for theses 3 weeks now. One of the girls tried to sit next to me but I have so much fun with the date that I don't even notice her. The other one now greets me by kissing me in the neck....So yeah...

samssun > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! 05/15/2014 at 23:15

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I'd recommend a change in mindset, so you're not talking to girls like they're doing you a favor. Guarantee none of the guys she sleeps with asked her "if we ever have a chance".

The "anything is possible" answer means no. And if a girl asks for relationship advice, you should yawn and tell her to pick a fun topic.

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > samssun 05/15/2014 at 23:19

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I forgot to mention, which wouldve helped... we are in high school. Still very young. So she hasnt slept with anyone and irs kinda hard not to help her when deep down you really care about her happiness. Its hard to explain honestly how I care about her.and that answer was so close to a yes in the fact that we were planning on seeing a movie later that week.

samssun > Soloburrito 05/15/2014 at 23:23

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The married guys settled for the first woman that put up with them, taking themselves out of the game as their careers took off and dating value finally started catching up to girls'.

The single girls wasted their attractive years bouncing from guy to guy, and with youth fading want to trade serial dating for a comfy lifestyle, aka the "nice guys" they ignored for a decade.

Soloburrito > Racescort666 05/15/2014 at 23:26

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Fuuuuck that's brutal. Some girls just like to keep a rent-a-boyfriend around it seems.

samssun > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! 05/15/2014 at 23:27

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I wish you the best, but girls do not respond to pouring your heart out and caring deeply. They respond to guys who are confident, at ease socially, and most importantly, ones they can look up to. If you are supplicating to her, begging for her attention, and thanking her for gracing you with her presence, she will inevitably be turned off.

Be the man, live on your own terms, let her be the one hanging out with you, tease her, and keep the compliments to a minimum (they'll be worth more, vs. losing all value). Make her work for it and she'll be happy, follow her around like a lovesick puppy and she'll despise you.

Soloburrito > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! 05/15/2014 at 23:34

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Everything you've said is exactly what most guys in friend zone can relate to.

There is a communication issue here but it's not that she doesn't realize how much you care for her, it's that you don't realize it's not happening.

I went on a few friend zone dates too in high school. Trust those who have come before you!

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Soloburrito 05/15/2014 at 23:40

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Soloburrito > RotaryLover 05/15/2014 at 23:41

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Never fails does it? Dating makes you more desireable. Such a great feeling.

Rainbow > Soloburrito 05/15/2014 at 23:41

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I see there's a bunch of replies so I might not be the first to say it, but... such entitlement. Can't guys just be friends with someone without ultimately wanting in her pants, considering the entire friendship a challenge that must be suffered through?

DannyCatSteve > Soloburrito 05/15/2014 at 23:41

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It's tough out there for nice guys. I tip my fedora to you. Sit back, don't worry, and drink some mountain dews!

Soloburrito > DannyCatSteve 05/15/2014 at 23:43

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Soloburrito > Rainbow 05/15/2014 at 23:47

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Friend zone just applies to being friends with a crush. It's not about trying to bed all your friends.

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > Soloburrito 05/15/2014 at 23:49

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I realized it recently. But very recently. But when I tried to break off what had been happening, things went super south when she told me not to and then she opened up and told me so many personal and awful things and I couldn't leave... im at a point now where im trying to keep it as friends, but the things she does makes me think she wants more. I really don't know

Racescort666 > Soloburrito 05/15/2014 at 23:51

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That's an interesting way of thinking about it: rent-a-boyfriend. I'm considerably more rude when I find out that romance is off the table.

Here's the thing about the friend zone: if romance is off the table and you (the girl in question) have no other aspect of your life that is of benefit to mine, e.g. single friends that are looking for guys, a cool job, a charming personality, THERE'S NO FUCKING POINT OF BEING FRIENDS. You may as well call me a creepy asshole to my face like a decent person should.

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > samssun 05/15/2014 at 23:52

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good and true advice, stuff I which I knew sooner.

Only recently did I change my attitude and act more like the good friend who jokes around with her and tease her about stuff. I think I may be too late though on this one, sadly.

Its just when I tried to move on, she resisted so badly and threw me off guard when she gor really personal and emotional... I couldnt leave then and I couldnt joke then, I got trapped.

Im trying to move on, theres got to be another. It just fucking sucks

RotaryLover > Soloburrito 05/15/2014 at 23:53

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Indeed, they don't know what they have until it's gone.

Soloburrito > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! 05/15/2014 at 23:58

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I know it goes against all your instincts to bail on a girl you honestly care about but it needs to happen and is the only way to transcend the friend zone.

You need to cut the cord so she respects you as an individual not just someone who caters to her emotional needs.

It'll be good for the both of you.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Soloburrito 05/16/2014 at 00:00

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My life in a nutshell:

Long story short, I've been friendzoned by every girl I've ever liked, it pisses me off to no end because I'm not sure what it is I'm doing wrong. What ever it is I'm doing, If I keep doing it, I'll be stuck like this forever. :(

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Manuél Ferrari 05/16/2014 at 00:02

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That's me...

Manuél Ferrari > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 05/16/2014 at 00:04

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Don't feel bad bro, it's all of us at one point or another (or now)

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Manuél Ferrari 05/16/2014 at 00:06

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Apparently after reading these other comments, I'm given to understand that I might be acting to nice or kindly towards the girls I like or liked and that's the problem?

Soloburrito > Racescort666 05/16/2014 at 00:07

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I'vd gotten on the cases of lady friends for not being direct.

Just recently one friend kept telling me of a guy who'd flirt with her when she was at his place of business.

He would tell her "we should exchange numbers or go out". I told her to flat out say she's not interested but apparently all she was capable of doing was blushing and giggling. She said she's too nice to turn him down.

"That's why guys end up in your friend zone", I said. She doesn't lead guys on, she just doesn't have the balls to flat out say "not interested" so men persist.

Poor guy ended up calling her at work to ask her out. She finally shot him down.

Manuél Ferrari > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 05/16/2014 at 00:08

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You're not the problem, they are. Don't change yourself!

You'll find the right girl that appreciates you being nice to her. It just takes forever, haha

Soloburrito > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 05/16/2014 at 00:11

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The Bane one is my favorite.

There's good advice in the comments. Good luck, sir.

gmporschenut also a fan of hondas > Soloburrito 05/16/2014 at 00:13

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A girl I talk to quite a bit at work, just told me how her and boyfriend are going camping this weekend. That was the hardest conversation to finish trying to play cool. Boyfriend? I know she did not have one 3 months ago. Yeah fuck the policy of just being the nice guy. Don't wait to ask her out.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Manuél Ferrari 05/16/2014 at 00:13

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I know, I keep waiting and waiting, and then I get all fed up and for awhile, life for me is like this:

And then I get over it and try to move on, then a couple months later it happens again... :(

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Soloburrito 05/16/2014 at 00:15

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Best of luck to you friend, but I fear there is no hope for me. I can at least wish the rest of you the best.

Manuél Ferrari > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 05/16/2014 at 00:41

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As long as you have Porsches to drive all will be ok!

Rainbow > Soloburrito 05/16/2014 at 00:42

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Making a big deal of it implies a major sense of entitlement, though.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Manuél Ferrari 05/16/2014 at 00:45

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I guess, but cars can't replace girls forever..

Manuél Ferrari > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 05/16/2014 at 00:49

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True! But they can replace them for a long time to give you the courage to not settle and wait for the right girl. Proof:

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Manuél Ferrari 05/16/2014 at 00:55

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You've got a point there! Then again, I've only got one everyday car that can do that. :(

I just wish I could find that one person who shared some interest in the things I like and liked to do those things with me. It's fun to have cars and drive around, but for me, it's not always fun if there's no one to share it with.. :(

Manuél Ferrari > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 05/16/2014 at 01:00

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Don't let it get you down! Better off to be single than to marry the wrong girl. Alimony and child support are tough!

You'll be fine! Trust me

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Manuél Ferrari 05/16/2014 at 01:08

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I guess I don't understand how it's better to be single? The "more money to yourself" or "one less moneypit" answer really doesn't say much..

I prefer to be with someone than to be alone.

Soloburrito > Rainbow 05/16/2014 at 01:10

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I think it's normal to feel you'd be a great match for someone you have a crush on.

Manuél Ferrari > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 05/16/2014 at 01:10

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I don't subscribe to that thinking either. It's not about not wanting to share what you have with someone. Sharing is a good thing.

I prefer to look at it from a more positive perspective. When you're single you can focus on working hard and building for the future.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Manuél Ferrari 05/16/2014 at 01:15

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That makes more sense. But I guess I don't have much to focus on. Or maybe I do but I don't think it's much.

Manuél Ferrari > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 05/16/2014 at 01:19

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You're still in college, right?

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Manuél Ferrari 05/16/2014 at 01:23

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Yup, Just finished my first year. Wasn't as good as I hoped, but maybe year 2 will be better.

Manuél Ferrari > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 05/16/2014 at 01:28

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Dude you have nothing to worry about!

The most important thing is to do good in school and start your career. You have a long time before you should worry about relationships!

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Manuél Ferrari 05/16/2014 at 01:32

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But what about those that have relationships in and even before college?

Manuél Ferrari > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 05/16/2014 at 01:34

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Those can be fun. Just don't stress about it. When you meet a girl just try to relax and see what happens. If you don't focus on her becoming your gf you'll have a better chance of that happening.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Manuél Ferrari 05/16/2014 at 01:40

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That last part, as much as my brain doesn't want to believe it, makes sense! How do I make my brain believe that.

Manuél Ferrari > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 05/16/2014 at 02:09

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Don't stop, believing!

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Manuél Ferrari 05/16/2014 at 02:17

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Hold on to that feeling!

Manuél Ferrari > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 05/16/2014 at 02:21

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K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Manuél Ferrari 05/16/2014 at 02:34

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HOLD ON TO THAT FEELING! :D

http://giphy.com/search/porsche

ktfright | Kinja Neighborhood Black Guy > jariten1781 05/16/2014 at 04:14

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this. I can't believe I spent 23 years of my life learning this very thing. Just be aggressive and askher out from the get go.

Bad Idea Hat > Soloburrito 05/16/2014 at 06:08

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Not at all. The guys found a girl who realized that you marry your best friend, and are happy. Friend zoners date a neverending stream of "bad boys", and alway complain abut how hard it is to find a good guy. You know, the ones who they friend zoned.

Vince-The Roadside Mechanic > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! 05/16/2014 at 07:49

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Yes I do because then I would at least talk to a girl I like. :(

Vince-The Roadside Mechanic > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 05/16/2014 at 07:52

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Dang it Karl, do I need to give you the pep talk again?

Vince-The Roadside Mechanic > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! 05/16/2014 at 07:54

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Would you like my regular advice based on the movie "Say Anything"?

Vince-The Roadside Mechanic > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 05/16/2014 at 07:57

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Yep you need another pep talk...Do something ballsy like in "say anything " that movie is true and it will work for you.

Pixel > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! 05/16/2014 at 08:50

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So you really want to date her, but you have never asked her out? I think I know why you haven't managed to date her...

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > Soloburrito 05/16/2014 at 10:15

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I tried! I fucking tried (im not mad at you here, im just personally frustrated)

This was right after we were talking about her exbf and how she was having some issues.. then she said they were kind of back together and right then and there I tried to break free. She knew already that my main goal here was to go out with her. I told her this in person earlier that day. But when she responded with what she did so damn quickly (like less than 30 seconds) I figured it meant something. And then she got super personal with stuff like no one knows about her and she trapped me because she was npw feeling weak and I couldn't be a dick there and leave...

I wanted to move on. Now I cant.

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > Pixel 05/16/2014 at 10:16

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I never put it in there, but I actually tried 2-3 times... and I was never rejected per-se, but she never accepted either.

Soloburrito > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! 05/16/2014 at 10:33

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Fly away, Free Bird!

Part of the problem (maybe I'm wrong) is you believe you are ending something tangible but you aren't. There's no "break-up" that needs to happen here. Don't make it a thing that you're not pursuing her anymore. That's your own battle to fight. Think about her less. Don't respond to her texts right away, hang out with other people between classes, etc.

You can still be friendly to her, but the only way to start getting over her is to not let her dominate your thoughts.

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > Soloburrito 05/16/2014 at 10:52

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This has been happening for months now... and if I could show you more (those messages got erased and were in person) there were mutual feelings. Things were fine, and we basically had a date set up to see a movie until a sunday or two ago when Josh (the ex) surprised her at her house. Whatever they talked about there, it made her kind of like him again and they were back together. And at that point, when I learned that, I was done at trying to be with her

But they have some issues. Ones that she tells me about.

Ive been Good latley. Im not talking to her 24/7.. shes not filling my mind... I have been talking to other people. Occasionally we talk in class and when she messages me, I don't drop everything to get back to her... so im making progress, it is just so damn annoying how I got put into this situation.

Part of the problem, and I hear this from everyone, is im a good listener. For some reason, people trust me and tell me so much. I know everything about so many people, im like their psychiatrist. So, I get looped into a lot things sknce people tell me they "just feel comfortable telling me stuff"

Soloburrito > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! 05/16/2014 at 11:07

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I understand completely. I was (still mostly am) that guy with friends.

I would not be surprised if she does like you on some level, but not enough to make it her mission to get with you like you've made about her.

Also would not be surprised if she did agree to go out with you at some point, hold your hand, cuddle or whatever, but she still wouldn't be as into you as you are to her-in other words, exactly where you are now.

There are a lot of ways to get there but you end up in the same place, not with her.

Don't hold out hope, purge those romantic feelings for her as best you can and find a girl that really digs you. Those are the rewarding relationships.

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > Soloburrito 05/16/2014 at 11:16

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ive pretty much decided what to do... because this is how it happens every year for me.. I meet one girl who I really like. Yes, I talk to others, but there is one I really like. When it doesnt work, I try and move on next year.

I have 2 weeks left of school . By the last week, ill give it one more shot. Theres a fun little community event going on the saturday after school is out. Ill ask her to come and hang out with me there. She usually loves things like that. Its in public, will be cheap, and fun. If it works, great. If not, ill try to find someone else next year.

And I do fully agree with you, I think she likes me a little bit, But not in the way I like her. Shes told me before that ahe thought I was a cool, sweet guy tat she liked talking to.. so there is something there.

Im just glad that for now, ive decided what to do..

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Vince-The Roadside Mechanic 05/16/2014 at 11:17

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I don't know that movie..

Soloburrito > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! 05/16/2014 at 11:20

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Hope it works out, bud.

Vince-The Roadside Mechanic > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 05/16/2014 at 13:05

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Watch it....just do something ballsy to get her.

Racescort666 > Soloburrito 05/16/2014 at 17:20

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That's a bummer. I have adopted the practice of just handing girls my phone and saying "here, give me your number." This avoids the wishy-washy response since you've just put her on the spot. Bonus: I'm terrible with names so this is an easy way to see it spelled out.